Something To Think or Laugh About!

*To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”

* If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, “Can’t you make it shoot farther?” “No, I’m sorry. That’s as far as it shoots.”

* The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

* If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let’em go, because, man, they’re gone.

* If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

* If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.

* To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

* I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

*Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams.  If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.”

___Jack Handy

Click: SOURCE! more on Jack Handy’s Joke

OR…

http://thinkexist.com/quotes/jack_handy/

  Tina

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Part of missing file Posted: 11 Dec 2008 05:10 AM PST